Doing what you love to do, instead of doing what you must do
Considering the violent(-ly changing) times we’re in, some of my recurring thoughts seem so humble. Yet my problems, and what will occupy my mind on any given day, is only relative to my own experiences. Just like you’re force-fed your last spoonful of dinner because “children in Africa are starving” and you’re not really sure what that means, or why that should force you to eat your food, just as similarly you can’t figure out why in the great context of things, your personal life seems to bother you so much.
I guess the answer lies in the fact that if you can’t be happy about yourself, you don’t have the mental strength or capacity to worry about pretty much anything else, no matter how serious. We’re but so small things in the great universe, yet what we’re awaken with every day is our own lives.
I’m still wondering every day whether my thesis is academic enough. My personal goal is to be able to teach one day. And I’m aware of the prerequisites. You need to walk and struggle on an academic path for long enough in order to be able to teach and help others on how to walk it themselves. And professors need to have gone all-research; a PhD, published papers and who-knows-what-else are pretty much a given.
Passion is one of the intangibles. It can’t be measured, it can’t be put on a CV in any section other than the narcissistic description of yourself. Passion is a subjective matter, that shines through your everyday life, and your work.
When I was deciding on the subject of my thesis, I wasn’t thinking ahead that much. I wasn’t considering whether my thesis would be academic enough to entice those that will be looking through all the paperwork that will consist my PhD application. I was just following my heart, deciding that after 4 and a half years of studying Computer Engineering, and after nearly 9 years of exploring programming on my own, I would devote the time and effort it would require to get the first big project I’d be passionate about out there.
And oh my fucking god it’s been good.